


Suicide Cookies

by Tinkslittlebelle



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Cookies, Logan is only mentioned - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:34:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23453317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tinkslittlebelle/pseuds/Tinkslittlebelle
Summary: Virgil had both good days and bad days. The balance between them was relatively even. Though the bad days were just slightly more often.  On the bad days, Virgil baked.... And he baked a lot. Most times it was cookies, He called them his Suicide Cookies, as a little dark joke to himself. The others didn’t know about the Suicide Cookies, and he wanted to keep it that way.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 10
Kudos: 195





	Suicide Cookies

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I'm posting to Ao3! hope you enjoy!
> 
> let me know if there is any tags i shoulds add!

Virgil had both good days and bad days. The balance between them was relatively even. Though the bad days were just slightly more often. On the bad days, Virgil baked.... And he baked a lot. Most times it was cookies, He called them his Suicide Cookies, as a little dark joke to himself. The others didn’t know about the Suicide Cookies, and he wanted to keep it that way.

Most people would assume Patton is the baker, most people would be wrong. His baked goods were alright but not the best. They were usually a little burned and frankly; he didn't really enjoy it the way Virgil did. The only time he enjoyed baking was when he baked with Virgil. And Virgil loved to bake. He would bake anything from cookies to cupcakes, from scones to a four-layer cake. Sometimes more than one. Whatever he was feeling at the moment he made it. 

But what the others didn't know is that when Virgil baked, it meant he was having a rough day. On those days he usually had unpleasant thoughts about self-harming, or ending his life. When these thoughts come up, instead of acting upon them, he'd head to the kitchen and start baking. And Virgil....well.. he baked a lot....

The others just assumed he really liked to bake or that he was just bored and had nothing to do. Even so, they weren't complaining. They LOVED his baking. It was the best pastries they ever had. And he did it all without a cookbook.

It wasn't until one late night that Roman actually figured out why he baked so much. 

Roman had woken up late to sounds in the kitchen. Figuring he'd be the BRAVE PRINCE that he is and go FIGHT OFF the intruder! So he got out of bed, stealthily walked down the stairs, stopped right outside the kitchen, sword at the ready and listening for a threat. But what he heard instead surprised him. It wasn't a monster or some kind of threat or even a dark side that had broken in. He really hoped it wasn't his brother digging through their trash again, but instead it was the sound of someone sobbing. He lowered his sword and stuck his head slightly into the kitchen, trying his best to stay quiet. What he saw made his stomach drop. It was Virgil sitting on the floor with his hood up. Tears fresh on his face and mumbling to himself. Roman couldn't hear much but what he could left him in tears.  
"Just do it already."

"They don't love you." 

"It would be better if you were dead."  
Roman almost ran in there to comfort the crying side, but before he got the chance, a kitchen timer went off and Virgil stood up. Taking the fresh cookies out of the oven, he chuckled darkly to himself.

"Well..... I can't die now, who else will eat these cookies?" he ate a few of the cookies before speaking again "Well I guess Patton would eat them, and the others. But I don't think they would enjoy them as much if they found out I killed myself after I made them. And I want them to enjoy them" With a sigh he ate a few more and shoved some into his pockets before putting the rest away.

At the sight of Virgil cleaning up, Roman quickly sank out. Once he got back to his room, he went straight to his desk and Began to work on ways to make him feel better.

The next morning, Virgil walked into the kitchen and stopped at the sight. All of his favorite breakfast foods were sitting beautifully displayed and purple and black balloons. With Roman standing proudly in the kitchen. 

"Surprise!!" Virgil just blinked back at him.

"What's going on?" 

"It’s appreciate your favorite emo day!!" Virgil's face went red

"Psh....That not a real holiday"

"Oh yes it is! Here I'll prove it" Roman walked over to Virgil before exiting the kitchen and shouting up the stairs "PATTON ITS APPRECIATE YOUR FAVORITE EMO DAY!!" Virgil didn't even have time to react before he heard a door slam open and Patton practically leapt off the stairs and into Virgil's arms, engulfing him in a massive bear hug. 

"HAPPY APPRECIATE YOUR FAVORITE EMO DAY!!!!!"

"Jeez Pat calm down!" 

"I'm sorry kiddo, I didn't know that was today!! If I had known I would have gotten you a gift" Patton giggled

"It's all right Pat. I didn't even know it was today either." He chuckled and ran his hand through his hair. 

"Well I will be sure to remember for next year. I'll go get Logan and we can do whatever Roman has planned for us to do today" and with that he left to go get Logan. 

"Well my dark and Stormy Knight. I have planned some of your favorite activities for us to do together and then end the day with a movie of your choice. I just wanted you to know that we love you and you are needed" Virgil's face got even redder.

"T-thanks Princey" Virgil tried to hide his reddening face as Roman led him over to the couch while they waited for Patton to return withLogan. 

Over the next few days Roman made sure that Virgil felt loved and appreciated, whether it is something grande or small. The others seemed to catch on and started doing small things as well. And Virgil loved it, and overall it helped put him in a better mood. 

But all good things must come to an end. 

After a week of the love and care had gone by, he felt down again. He still felt loved, but sometimes the world just feels like it against you.

He woke up in his bed one afternoon and he was instantly filled with dread. His body felt weak, the small amount of light peeking through the window hurt his eyes. The sound of his alarm clock gave him a massive migraine. And the thoughts were louder then they have been in a long time. Repeating the same thoughts he dreads. The voices of his family spitting insults towards him. Hearing them float around his mind and the shadows of his bedroom.

"Everything you say can be proven to be falsehood by logic. Your services aren't warranted and are not needed"

All you do is hurt Thomas. And you hurt everyone else. You are just the worst kind of person" 

“You suck the creativity, the fun, the passion out of everything. No one wants you around so just do us all a favor and kill your self already."

"We just have you around to be nice" 

"No one likes you" 

"You're not apart of the group"

"Go away"

"Your pathetic" 

"Worthless"

"Freak"

“Annoying”

As more thoughts appeared, the more distressed he became. He thought quickly of his favorite way of coping to get his mind off these pesky thoughts and got out of bed to head to the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen, he noticed that Roman was sitting at the table with two cups of coffee. Roman nudged the glass towards Virgil as if to tell him it was his. Virgil nodded a thanks but did nothing else. Even though he knows that the thoughts of his were just cognitive distortions, they still felt real, and looking at Roman and imagining him saying those awful things about him, hurt more than he thought possible.

Sipping his coffee and starting to get the ingredients, he was just going to make just simple chocolate chip cookies to start and then work his way up. He grabbed the flour, sugars, baking soda, vanilla, and the salt. Then he walked over to Patton's special hiding place to get the chocolate chips. Once he had all of the dry ingredients all out and prepped, he started to get the wet ingredients. He first got 2 teaspoons of hot water and walked over to the fridge to get the final three ingredients. He grabbed the eggs and the butter and placed them together on the counter. When he looked back at the spot where the milk should be he saw it was empty. With a sullen smile he closed the fridge. Before he started to put the ingredients away, he chuckled darkly to himself

"We are all out of milk. Well I guess I'll die". Before he could take any steps closer to the ingredients, he heard Roman, who he had forgotten was in the kitchen, spit out his drink and start coughing. His mind instantly off the suicide cookies and on to his choking friend  
"Oh okay god, Roman! Are you ok?" Roman put his hand on Virgil as if to keep him there. One he finally stopped dying, he looked up at Virgil, regained his princely composer before speaking in that dramatic way he always does

Now that will not work at all!" He led Virgil to the living "let's go get more milk from Thomas, my favorite fiend!" He pulled Virgil to sink out with him but when he rose up, he allowed Virgil to appear like he usually does, probably because he remembered how bad rising up made him feel last time.  
Thomas was already in the living room and was startled for a second on the random appearances bit calmed down the second he realized who it was.

"Hey guys! What's up?" 

"Virgil here was going to bake for us, but we are all out of milk. So we were wondering if we can borrow yours?" 

"Oh sure. But why do you use actual ingredients if you're just in my head? Can't you conger it up for yourself"

"Well of course I can conger it myself but the real thing is always better! And Virgil always makes the best treats!" 

"Is that true Verge? Well, you'll have to let me try some sometime!" Virgil blushed and shuffled his feet.

"Um sure. I'll definitely let you have some." Roman sunk back out and Virgil followed. Once they were both back on the mindscape, Roman handed Virgil a black with purple plaid apron, and he had on a red and white one with gold trim.

"Well should we start baking?" He walked back into the kitchen with the milk and set it on the counter and smiled back at Virgil. All Virgil could do is stare.

"Why did you do that?" 

"Why did I do what?"

"You made me coffee, you took me to borrow milk from Thomas and you summoned special aprons for us."

"I don't like seeing you unhappy" Roman took a step closer to Virgil and lowered his voice "I know why you bake constantly" at those words Virgil tried to get away from Roman, a look of fear on his face. How could Roman possibly know? He was joking right? But what if he wasn't? Was he going to happen to Virgil now? Was Roman going to confirm all of Virgil's fears and tell him they never actually loved him?  
But Romans grip didn't falter. and instead he pulled him into a hug "it's okay Verge! We love you. We understand that some days are worse than others. If you ever and I mean EVER need someone to talk to, you can come to me anytime." He let go of the hug and wiped away a few years tears Virgil didn't know had fallen and then wiped his own. "After all, I am pretty great at listening to stories" Virgil chuckled at the last part.

"I - thank Roman. For everything" 

‘Any time my emo knightmare. Now these cookies aren't going to bake themselves!!" The two of them started to bake the cookies the thoughts from earlier already past. Talking to Roman and learning that he has his support really helped with them. He knew he could also talk to the others, and it was comforting to know that he is loved and it's not just them pretending just to be nice.

After they finished baking the cookies, they shared with Thomas and the other two. Thomas loved them and said they were the best cookies ever. The others said that Virgil cookies are always amazing but these blew all others out of the water. Roman, jokingly, insisted this batch of cookies were better because he was there assisting Virgil.

The next day, Roman woke up later than usual. He looked over at his alarm clock to check the time but the time was wrong. ‘Strange...... maybe the power had turned off in the middle of the night.’ Shrugging it off and getting ready before heading down stairs to the kitchen. 

Once he made his way down stairs, he took one glance in the kitchen and stopped. There were red and gold balloons, a large fancy three- tier cake was ruby red with gold trim with little crown decals and glitter. Roman eyed the cakes with awe. Virgil has never baked a cake this fancy, mostly little ones for birthdays. He walked in the kitchen to see Virgil covered head to toe in flour and icing and was washing dishes.

"Virgil? What is this all for?" Virgil jumped when he heard Roman speak. When Virgil turned around and looked at Roman, Roman could see that he most likely hasn't slept all know, but he didn't look stressed- he actually looked happy.

"Roman ah well- shit- I didn't expect you to wake up yet but I ah" Virgil stumbled over his works before sighing. "I was up all night and I just wanted to thank you-" 

"Oh Verge you didn't have to- " 

"Shh Prince not-so-charming. I'm not finished!" Virgil stopped Roman "it's just, you knew and you were trying to help me without making me upset. And you did a good job of that. You did your best to help me. You got milk from Thomas for me, conjured nice matching aprons. And you wanted to bake cookies with me. You said that you’d be there whenever I need it." Virgil walked over to the kitchen table and grabbed something and unfolded it, before turning around. What he had was a banner that he probably was going to hang it up. He showed it to Roman and he gasped. The banner looked like it was hand painted by Virgil. It was faded red around the side with gold crowns in the corners.t was a white in the middle from where the red fades. Glitter completely covered the banner. In the middle of the banner were large small words both in a dark purple that was almost a black. The large words read “Thank you for being there. You’re not a tool” in the smaller words “Love, your favorite emo” Roman looked over the Virgil as he would be looking down at his feet and awkwardly shuffling them. When he looked up, he had one of those rare smiles that would make anyone smile. It lit up his entire face and Roman couldn't help but smile back.

"Well, Happy Appreciate your favorite Princey day!"


End file.
